Living on the Spectrum

If you have met me in person, you know I’m a big proponent of the benefits of therapy. I started treatment when I was nineteen and I’ve gone off and on since then. I always viewed it as getting heavy emotions and experiences off my chest. I would leave sessions feeling unburdened, and lighter. Saturday…

I heard something recently from a guest who was on The Daily Show while Leslie Jones was guest-hosting. One of her guests said something that has stuck with me. He said that anxiety cannot exist where there is faith. One of his coping mechanisms, when he gets overwhelmed, is to tell himself what he called…

I’ve been confronting a lot of uncomfortable emotions lately. I classify painful or unpleasant emotions as sadness, anger, disappointment, or anything else that accompanies a sad or disheartening experience. When I stopped relying on food to dull my feelings, I realized how much I’d been burying. Now that I feel these emotions, I’m trying different…

I attended my work Christmas party this past week. I haven’t been to a large number of holiday parties in my life and I wasn’t sure what to expect. The best parties I’d experienced up until this year were when I worked at Publix. The store manager would barbecue and we would have baking competitions.…

I’m going to start this rant/review by saying that it’s been a while since I watched Love on the Spectrum. I thought this might be a good time for me to comment as I’m in a newish relationship. My opinion is not the only opinion of the Autism community on the show, these are simply…

I recently started a regular meditation practice. When I say recent, i mean within the last week. I haven’t talked a lot about my eating disorder because I’ve felt a lot of shame. By avoiding thinking about the roots of my disordered eating, I avoided healing from it too. As an adult, I now realize…

We are now in the throes of the holiday season and I’ve been meditating on the power of love. I don’t put much stock in the Hallmark version of the attachment. That version of love has always seemed too easy and too clean. It also never looked like the love I experienced. The love that…

It’s almost the most stressful time of the year (some people refer to it as wonderful). My relationship with the holidays has gotten much less hate and more love the older I’ve gotten. There are still a few traditions around the holidays that I don’t understand. If any of you neurotypical readers can explain them…

I recently went on a date with someone who is also on the spectrum. The next day I was at work and I was sharing how the date went with my coworkers. One of my coworkers said, “Aww, you guys must get each other”. I thought that was a bit odd since there are people…

I’ve been thinking about what I was taught as a child lately. My parents raised my siblings and me to be good people. We were taught right from wrong. We learned how to take care of ourselves in a basic sense. What I realized is that I never learned how to set boundaries with other…

I have spent many hours analyzing how I could’ve handled situations better. This use comes from a place of self-loathing. I thought if I did enough analysis of myself, the parts that I don’t like would go away. Since I work in a job that is essentially customer service, I have seen the rainbow of…

Last night’s sleep was filled with nightmares. I don’t normally have them. When I woke up this morning, I was so glad that I was in my bed and had to go to work. I have this dream that repeats whenever I’m obsessing over something. The dream is that I’ve gone through the crucible of…

I’ve been having an ongoing debate with myself for over a year now. I always thought I’d have kids. I can remember riding the bus home from school, daydreaming about the adventures my two kids and I would take. When I was younger, I only ever thought about the fun parts of parenthood and I…

Some of the best things in life can’t be planned for. I’m someone who loves to have a plan, it soothes my anxiety and makes me feel like I have control in a world where so much of it seems out of control. I’m starting to find joy in unexpected places. I enjoy learning software…

It’s been three years since I spent a little over two weeks in two different behavioral health hospitals. I’m so grateful that I’m farther along on the journey to being healed and whole than I was back then. I’ve been thinking about the advice I’d give to myself and my family members with everything I…

This is going to be a post where I’m going to be talking about my experience with physical intimacy relating to my ASD. If you are family or a close friend and do not want to know more, I advise you read no further. Those of you who are interested, feel free to continue reading.…

I was talking to a friend last night and he compared dating to a foreign country where he didn’t understand the customs. I’ve been thinking a lot about how being on the spectrum has impacted my confidence when it comes to dating, especially as I’m re-entering the online dating sphere after a year of being…

I’ve been learning a lot lately regarding facing head-on the things that intimidate me. I’ve realized that fearing conflict and difficult conversations suck more joy out of my life than actually having the difficult conversation.  I’d say the most difficult thing I’ve done lately is re-entering the online dating world. I took some time to…

I’ve long heard the saying when one door closes, another opens. I prefer the saying that when a door closes, there’s a window open somewhere. Several seasons of life are coming to an end. The first is that I’m going to be moving out in a few months after having lived at home for three…

I recently had my first professional review after being at my current job for a year. This was a new experience for me and I’d like to give a few tips that I’ve discovered having gone through the process recently.  Understanding the performance metrics is key. When I was hired, I immediately asked for a…

I’ve wanted to write down what led to my mental health crisis in 2019. I’d graduated college and was working my second activity director job. I wasn’t meeting the expectations and going to work every day felt like I was reminded of how much of a failure I was. I had to change how I…

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with fashion and clothes. Textures of different clothing items could elicit such visceral emotions starting when I was a toddler. I will remember this forever. My grandmother got me a cute polka-dotted rain jacket when I was a toddler. It was stiff and plasticky. I could feel it crunch…

My path to an autism diagnosis began after a series of mental health challenges caused the upheaval of my professional and private life. A relationship and job had ended. In the throes of self-loathing and depression, I wanted to understand why I operated in the world the way I did.  It had been suggested by…