Life often looks different than we expect. I certainly didn’t expect to be such a late bloomer. I thought I’d be married by the age of twenty-five. I thought I’d stick with the career I wanted in the eighth grade. I had all these plans. I thought I knew what I wanted and needed when I was a child. The truth is, I barely knew who I was. It took time and effort to sift through everything swirling in my head and heart before it all became clear. I know that I was technically an adult at 18 but I feel like I was still a child. I don’t think I became an adult until 23 and then I started to grow. It’s been a rocky road but I wouldn’t change it for anything.
The consistent lesson that I believe god has taught me since childhood is the power of patience. I have never been a patient person. Waiting for something equaled a lack of control and left me feeling fidgety. If I couldn’t control it, then in my mind, it wasn’t going to happen. The older I get and the more life I see, I realize how little I am in control of. The more I try to white-knuckle my way through life the more seems to slip through my fingers. I’ve been trying to practice patience and not busying myself to death lately.
This past weekend I did almost all leisure activities. I cleaned and did the basics but I didn’t busy myself with unnecessary work. It was hard. Sitting still means I have to think about my feelings more and there’s nothing to distract me from the silence. It was hard a first and then I found peace. I was able to breathe and did not need to work to be of value. I’ve always gotten my value from how I can be of service to others. It’s only recently that I’ve realized, I’m valuable no matter how much work I do or don’t do.
This holiday season, I want to be patient. I want to be patient with myself and with those around me. I want to give myself space to grow and those around the room needed to grow into who they need to be. I want to be patient enough to experience the magic that happens in everyday life. I want to be able to sit still and rest. I know it’s not quite New Years’ resolution time, but I want to resolve to sit still with myself in the new year and truly rest. What’s your resolution?
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